Yet again I solve my own problem through trial and error.
This whole issue is absurdly simple. My error was trying to establish a session or reestablish the current one manually by using the SDK. However, upon proper reading of this page: http://dev.splunk.com/view/SP-CAAAEMP, I learned that the service object I needed to use was already a part of the HTTP Request object, only it wasn't listed when I tried to print the whole thing.
Basically, to retrieve user info (roles given as an example) and access things like REST endpoints:
@login_required
def my_view(request):
service = request.service
# Get current user roles
roles = service.roles
# Print them
for role in roles:
print role.name
#Do the stuff you want and return data to a template
You can find more info on how to use REST in the Python SDK documentation: http://dev.splunk.com/python
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